A Day In The Life Of A Cat

I was just sitting here thinking about when I was little.....about 7 years old I guess, and I would come home from school on half days and my Mom made me a can of bean soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. I used to love to have that for lunch. Did you have half days at school? Every Thursday was a half day in elementary school so the teachers could have some kind of conference.

I remember this one day I was so eager to get home.....cannot remember why, but I opted to take the short route rather than the usual long route home. The shorter route had dogs, and I was really scared of dogs. I mapped out a route that was dog free, only it took me forever get home. But this one day I took the short route well aware I might run into one of the beasts, but had to get home. I manage to get to my street without seeing a dog, so I thinking it's cake from here. Wrong. About 5 houses down from my house lived a really mean dog and he was always getting out. I got right to that house and thought I was home free because I don't see him out. All of the sudden, here he comes plowing out of the yard after me. I drop all my stuff and run to the house next door where Mr. & Mrs. Wilt lived. I get to the door, rip the screen door open and POUND on their door screaming "Mrs. Wilt, Mrs. Wilt", over and over. No answer.....and the dog is coming up the driveway behind me barking. You will never believe what I did. I somehow managed to get myself shut between the screen door and the actual front door to protect myself. That's right, I got my feet sideways and pulled the screen door closed and it clicked shut. So there I was.....smashed between the two doors. That dog jumped on that screen barking at me for what seemed like forever. Finally he figured out that he couldn't get to me thru that screen door. Loosing interest, he trotted off. BUT....I knew he was still out there and there was no way I was leaving the safe haven smashed between these doors. So there I stayed....waiting patiently for Mrs. Wilt to come home or for my Mom to come looking for me. I was really uncomfortable - I couldn't even turn my head. Finally my Mom comes looking for me because I'm so late. I can hear her calling for me like she did when it was time to come home for dinner. I called back as loud as I could. You know Mom's have some kind of sonar and can tune into the sound of their own kids voice...even if it is 6 houses away. So she comes down the street and can hear me....but she can't figure out where the hell I am. She finds my books.

"Where are you?" she calls.
"In Mrs. Wilt's door." I say.

In Mrs. Wilt's *door*? she's thinking....confused. Up the driveway she comes and turns into the doorway and sees me smashed between the doors. Now....I don't know how she managed not to burst out laughing. I know I would have if I was her. But she opened the door and I came tumbling out, and start to cry from the trauma of the whole ordeal. My Mom figures out what happened thru all my crying, and is roaring mad at the people next to the Wilt's for leaving their dog out again to terrorize the neighborhood kids. It really was a mean dog and was always after some little kid. When they got home from work, she went right down there and tore into them.

The lesson:
Never piss off a kids Mom. They are like lions when someone or something mistreats their babies - they will tear you to bits. Even if the kid was doing something wrong, never touch or mistreat a kid...you'll get a visit from Mom. And if it isn't Mom, it'll be their aunt, sister, grandmother.....and trust me, it won't be pretty. PRAY it isn't Dad....you could loose an arm if Dad shows up, because he'll rip it off and beat you with it. Okay, I think you get the picture.

Oh, and guess what? That dog was never out again ;-)